This was a response to a challenge from a pro-gun advocate on a newsgroup for me to come up with ONE practical reason for banning guns. And it got me to thinking...


1. Rednecks would save money not having to buy a rack for each truck.

2. The sales of country music CD’s would drop drastically (please note: extreme benefit to society)

3. The number of Libertarians and Republicans would dwindle.

4. Beer sales would drop, wine sales would soar.

5. The reactionary extremists would buy Super-soakers and Toys R Us stock would go way up and they would finally, in the act of squirting each other, discover the benefits of basic hygiene.

6. Fewer Christians, or at least less imposters claiming to be (as if Christ would own guns! sheesh)

7. More cabinet space.

8. People might even resort to reading actual literature instead of NRA drivel.

9. The acronym NRA would change meaning to National Roundup of Assholes.

10. "Use your words, use your words!" would not just be for two year olds anymore.

11. No more annoying security checks at airports, and other public buildings.

12. Women would no longer wonder if that was a gun in my pocket (very practical and to the point!)

13. Hanging oneself is less messy.

14. Safer freeways.

15. Safer schools, homes, courtrooms, malls, buses, offices & airplanes.

16. BANG would be an erotic invitation rather than a hole in someone’s body.

17. More free time for funeral workers, grave diggers, coroners.

18. Less police equals less taxes.

19. The nightly news would begin with a story about vandals tipping over trash cans.

20. Less chance of a formaldehyde shortage.

21. More open caskets.

22. WalMart could finally sell Sheryl Crow’s CD.

23. People might finally realize the freedom to kill someone is a freedom and a choice we can live without.

24. Late night liquor stores and grocery clerks could finally buy life insurance.

25. Fewer video cameras invading our lives.

26. John Lennon would still be alive.

27. JFK and Robert Kennedy would still be alive.

28. Martin Luther King would still be alive.

29. No one would know who John Wilkes Booth was.

30. Phil Hartman would still be alive.

31. Many, many students would still be alive.

32. Less grief.

33. Shorter rap sheet for Jose Canseco.

34. Harvey Milk would still be alive.

35. Lower life and medical insurance rates.

36. Fewer lawyers…need I say more?

37. Fewer prisons, less taxes.

38. Fewer jails, less taxes.

39. Less tax money spent on court time and public defenders, parole officers, probation officers, halfway houses, court reporters, security guards.

40. No one will try to pry anything out of anyone’s cold dead hands.

41. Smaller cemeteries.

42. Ask Mary Jo Buttafucco

43. No more of those inane signs that say "I shoot every fourth salesman and the third one just left!"

44. Fewer locker and backpack inspections.

45. Less money spent on flowers and sympathy cards.

46. Fewer road signs riddled with bullet holes.

47. When the cops pull you over for speeding you won't have to put your hands on the steering wheel to show them you're not going to shoot them.

48. No more metal detectors at theme parks (like Great America, ironically)

49. Safer work environment at Planned Parenthood clinics.

50. Fewer restraining orders.

51. Less bullshit on AM talk radio.

52. Fewer blood banks needed.

53. Less scar tissue.

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